Let's Face it!

Ok! 


Let's face it..


I suck at time management..


"keeping me impressed is a job"


I don't focus easily, I am lost and unstable sometimes


I think A LOT..I ask A LOT of questions too!


it often happens that I just want to stare and I don't want to interact with anyone


I can be way more effective/productive


I do have some mistakes..well a lot of them


I Love Photography, Writing and Reading But I don't do them regularly, unless the need push me hard! 

Although I feel so happy while I do them..


People around me believe I have a lot potential that I don't really use..


My Words are louder than my Actions.. 


There are times that come when I'm constantly sucking! I know them very well these transition Phases, I even expect them.. It happened in My first year in primary school, and again in the 4th year after changing my school, in my first year in University and here it is again..


It's been years while I'm fighting with myself to wake up early, and still fighting!
I'm not convinced that I'm not that kind of a person who wakes up early, neither do I wake up early...


and that's the Point


Although all of the above issues/problems/mistakes I am not convinced, nor will I soon, that I should just adopt and live with it! I don't believe that this is Me; that's not the person I want to be..I still see myself destined to do something in this life, to change something, I can clearly imagine myself in the day of judgement telling Allah "I gave it all I can.. I tried and did my best..Allah I believe you created me to do something meaningful, of a value, and to stand for truth and justice and that's what I spent my life trying to do" 


I still believe that the time will come when I wake early, I'm productive and effective enough, I'm focused and know what I want, when I achieve more than I dream, when I see myself on the right path and meet other people whom are still in the beginning of their life and assure them that any instability is normal at that time, and that they should benefit from it, and even Enjoy it. 


No I'm sorry I won't surrender...I'll keep trying and fighting..Myself, But Allah please give me the strength, keep helping me be on the right track, keep sending me messages..and Keep my hope alive!

My Daily Mood Dilemma

I wake up and I don't want to do anything..Nothing!
I just feel lazy, tired, and unable to move a finger, and all I want to is to escape, stay away in silence, and not to talk to anyone.. and whatever responsibilities I have won't actually push me to do something.


I feel I want to do all it takes to achieve something, I see in myself the power and ability, I know what to do, I can see it clearly and I know I can. Accompanied by this belief that I am destined to achieve something, I am destined to make a change..


I look around me, watch the people I know or don't know, people whom are living their personal legends, they know what they want, or in their way to know, they are running in life, but in a track they chose and know that it would lead them where they want. They write, take photos, express themselves, scream, they are shouting out loud: I am Here and I have something to say that matters, and their lives are Full of ACTIONS!. I admire those people, respect them, and look up to them, because even if they discovered one day that they were wrong, or not going in the right direction at least they tried and now they know what they want!


I look at myself, at my day, I ask myself what did I produce? and I even go to the question what did I produce in my life till now? what is the thing that I can I say I achieved it? and I am always reaching the result, that I can't really say "I achieved something", because even the things that I like to do, reading, writing, photography, and travelling, I barely do them! I'm always having this feeling, I can achieve more, I'm not productive enough.

This is the dilemma of mood that I'm going through Daily!  

I believe I always need to put this Quote below in mind..

100 Days...

24th of June, is a day for blogging on Syria..


I have been having a lot of feelings about Syria since its revolution, and here came the time for me to express them..


Dear Syria,


I've always, as an Egyptian, felt attached and emotional when it comes to you. I respect your history, people, and the brave situations of you and your people through history. The 6th of October War, 1973 and the conflict against the unjust Israel, and how your people aren't and won't give up or negotiate their right in Gullan is just one example.


Sometimes I wished the Unity between you and Egypt have succeeded, I can't really figure what would have happened then, but I feel  we would have been stronger and more dignified. I even hated how the international politics separated between moderate regimes and the axis of evil regimes, and for sure the selfish interests of our regimes helped in that, But that won't be the case any more.


I can still remember how happy I was when the revolution started in Syria, I knew it won't come to an end except when You are Free... and You will be So Soon.


Dear Syria, don't give up..Keep going, keep fighting for your freedom and justice, keep fighting for a better future for your people...Don't bend, Don't Break, and Don't back Down. The Tyrant is Leaving soon..


I know it's been 100 Days and the world doesn't seem to care, the world is silent, but it has always been silent that's not a new thing. However we won't be Silent, we won't forget your martyrs and we won't Give up your right in freedom..

25 يناير...!!!

25 يناير..!! 

يوم اجازة، صحيت متأخر و قاعدة في السرير بقالي ساعة. بيقولوا انه عيد الشرطة.. اه و بيقولوا كمان انه يوم الغضب!

من بداية اليوم و البيت كله حوالين الفضائيات و تويتر عشان يتابعوا اللي بيحصل و مين اتقبض عليه، ينما انا بداخلي احساس و سؤال، احساس بالعجز و التناقض، و سؤال "امتى هتبقى افكاري هي واقعي؟؟".. لا هي في الحقيقة أسئلة، أسئلة من نوعية هو انا فعلا عايزة اللي انا بقول اللي انا عايزاه؟ و الى متى هيفضل يطاردني احساس اني بهاود في اللي عايزة اعمله و اللي عايزة اكونوا... 

الجزيرة: "مصر تشهد اكبر مظاهرات منذ السبعينات حتى الان"

بداية

بعد ثلاثة سنوات... ها هي اولى تدويناتي!!

بقالي كتير عايزة اكتب...بس دائما ما اهرب من نفسي و من الورقة و القلم... دائما تخيفني تلك المساحة الشا سعة من البياض..تتحداني فاهرب من التحدي، اخاف من افكاري... اخاف من النور و البراح الذي انعم علي به الله.

و لكن رغبة الكتابة عنيدة، تظل تضغط و تضغط الى ان اكتب او تطاردني الكتابة اثناء نومي، اجد التأملات و الافكار و الذكريات تنحفر داخل راسي!! :)

من انا؟؟

سؤال وجيه.. ولكني اعلم ان اجابتي سوف تكون دائما متغيرة، فذلك تساؤل يظل معنا حتى نهاية الرحلة، و تتغيلا الاجابة بمرور الوقت و تقدم العمر، باختلاف التجربة، و تراكمها، و اختلاف و تغير نظرتنا الى الحياة و انفسنا، و الى اي جزء

ننظر...و مع كل ذلك يظل هناك في العمق جزء لا يتغير...

انا طفلة ولدت و عيني مفتوحة بانبهار على العالم من حولي، كثيرا ما ترى نظرات التساؤل في عيني..تعبر عن ملايين من علمات الاستفهام و التعجب بداخلي. اريد ان ارى بقدر الامكان.. ان اعيش.. و اجرب، ان اعيش التجربة الانسانية..ان احلم و احقق احلامي... احلم بان اغير شيئا يوما ما.. بداخلي يقين ان الله خلقني لاغير.. يظل دائما السؤال: "اغير ايه؟" لا اعلم بعد، و لكني في طريقي الى ذلك.. و طريقي هو ان اتعلم.. ان اعرف كل ما اريد معرفته، ان اشبع بداخلي نهم تساؤلاتي..

و لكني ايضا لا اريد ان اكبر، اخاف البرود، اليأس، الحنين الى الماضي.. اخاف ان تأخذني الدنيا من نفسي

تاخذني دوامة الحياة و اتحول الى شخصا لا اعرفه.. اخاف ان تسرق مني احلامي و عذوبتي..متناقضة انا!! نعم اعلم ذلك..

اريد ان اصل الى الله، اعطاني هو كاتالوج للحياة، اريد ان افهمه و ادركه.. ارجوه ان يساعدني و يصلني اليه و ان ياخذني اليه..

الالوان.. الشوكولاتة.. الصور.. الذكريات.. الصداقة ...التذكارات.. و الشاي و اللبن بالنعناع احب الاشياء الى قلبي:)